Remember when you first fell in love? I couldn’t do one thing without thinking of him. I could make a grocery list and find myself doodling his name before I could get the list together. Every conversation contained something about what he said or did…or how he made me feel. And almost every thought took me right back to…him. Every decision I made I began to base on his influence on me and whether it would make him happy or not.
Then, I started to notice that things didn’t always go the way I wanted or expected them to go. In the early days, we would have the ‘I’m sorry’ conversation right away. You know. Keeping the lines of communication clear. There were times I thought he must be angry with me, or worse, he’s finally seen the real me and I’m not worthy of his love. The irony of that is my mind could so easily convince my heart of that lie when he was only ever steadfast in his love and care for me.
I discovered that every time I’d call him or sit with him, he was always there. The truth was that I looked for him less. I spoke of him less in my conversations with others. My to-do lists hardly ever included his name let alone something I could do for him. Decision making was much more self-centered. What would make me happy? We had conversations so seldom and then mostly a quick thought here or there. In fact, I really didn’t listen to what he had to say. I only focused on telling him what I wanted or thought I needed.
Then one day I was reading one of his letters to me. It read, “I know all that you’ve done for me—you have worked hard and persevered... I also know how you have bravely endured trials and persecutions because of my name, yet you have not become discouraged. But I have this against you: you have abandoned the passionate love you had for me at the beginning. Think about how far you have fallen! Repent and do the works of love you did at first.” *
I remembered the excitement and joy of those early days when my heart had been wooed by Him. The delight I had in spending time with Jesus without distractions. Telling Him how I was feeling and what I was concerned about, and then, waiting and listening, for what He wanted to tell me about each of those things. It didn’t change overnight. But it can change over time. Just because I realized how far I’d moved away didn’t mean that I snapped my fingers and dropped those habits that kept me from Him. It’s a choice. Every. Day. Moment by moment. Choosing to want Him more than anything or anyone else.
Remember how much lighter your heart felt when you first gave it to Him? Today is the perfect day to choose Him all over again. This moment is the perfect moment to repent. Let go of every thing that keeps you from putting Him first. Every little thing. Every big thing. Hit reset. 2020 has been a hard year for all of us! It may have left you hurting, wanting, wishing, maybe even afraid to hope again.
But it’s time. It’s time to remember your first love. It’s time to let go of what you’ve held so tightly it blocked your awareness of the presence of your Love. And it’s time to reset your priorities. Your first love has been waiting. His love has never waned. Let 2021 be the year we fall in love all over again. We may even find ourselves doodling His name.
*Revelation 2:2-5 TPT