Worth The Wrestle (An Epiphany On Loss)

7 years ago something happened in my family that devastated me. 3 months before my oldest child was to graduate from high school he moved out. We came home one night to a note on the counter and his set of keys. At first I didn’t even know where he was staying. No prom. No graduation. No final summer family trip before college. No college football games…

I was really angry with God. I especially took issue with His story of Job. Specifically the end of the book of Job (42:14-15) when God blessed him with stuff –  and more children…that verse made me angry. Not that Job received a blessing – but that it seemed so neatly packaged up in the writing…after the devastating loss of all his children before. It’s wonderful that his stuff was restored and miraculous that he could have more children and they were all beautiful and would receive his inheritance. But they could never replace his original children. Job would never be able to go back to the way things were with his first beloved children.

After awhile, I wasn’t angry anymore. I just avoided that book in the Bible. I love God. I believe His Word and trust that He is always working on our behalf. But I could not resolve that great loss in my life.

So when God gave me the word ‘deeper’ for 2020, I knew that issue I had with God’s Word would keep me from really going deeper with Him. So I determined to wrestle this thing out once and for all.

Yesterday I was looking at how Job and Peter both handled being ‘sifted by Satan’ and what their post-sifting looked like. As I was reading those chapters I was thinking how life after being ‘sifted’ by the enemy could never be the same...and I heard God say, ‘I didn’t want them to remain the same…just like I don’t want YOU to remain the same.’

I have grieved what was lost and wished we could go back to ‘fix’ things…but that’s not God’s plan or His purpose. The blessings are in receiving what God is doing NOW.   Last week I heard Revelation 21:5 repeatedly from about four different sources. I think it was the set up for yesterday’s revelation to me: “Look! I’m making everything new. Write it all down – each word dependable and accurate.”

As much as we would want to we cannot change our past. But God has a distinctly unique way of taking what the enemy meant to harm us, even destroy us, and use it to move us to a new place where He is honored and glorified; and, if we are willing, we are made just a little bit more like Jesus.

6 thoughts on “Worth The Wrestle (An Epiphany On Loss)

  1. Thank you for being so vulnerable Denise. I must say that even through it all, God was glorified in your life and the best is yet to come!! Keep writing:)


  2. Thank you for sharing, Denise! The sermon last week at my church and my devotional on Monday were about wrestling with God. No coincidences with God.


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